Monday, September 14, 2009

Balog's guide to appropriate work wear

It has come to my attention that certain local retail shop girls are a bit confused by what is, and what is not, appropriate clothing to wear to work. You'll notice I'm confining this valuable life lesson to girls; partly this is just to piss off feminists, but it's mostly because if the average dude retail worker tried to pull this crap he'd be fired (and probably sued for sexual harassment) in about 15 seconds.

Let's start at the bottom and work up, shall we?


unless you are a stripper, those stilettos aren't a good idea. You're being paid to stand and walk for eight hours. If you choose to wear cool looking shoes that turn into medieval torture devices after more than 25 minutes of continuous standing, you lose any right to complain about your feet/calves/back hurting.


again, unless the job description actually calls for customers to leer at your bottom, this article of clothing should really cover it completely. A special note to the movie lovin' thrift store shopgirl who waited on me and my wife a few weeks back. You do realize boy shorts are underwear, right? Underwear implies you have something on over them, as they are not enough to properly cover you. Jus' sayin' is all...


Clothing is intended to cover your body. It cannot accomplish this noble task when it is transparent. As an addendum to this, wear a damn bra. Seriously. I know you're all "Yay girl power let's read Betty Friedan" and whatnot, and admittedly there ain't that much there to begin with but... It's difficult to have a pleasant chat about new films with you when your "shirt" is 1. the only thing keeping your nipples from joining the conversation & 2. moderately see through. Thin white shirt + very pale skin + nipples = awkward. Srsly.

Well folks, there you have it. A handy guide for our non-existent female retail worker readership. If you have any questions, please for the love of God don't ask me. I've already got eyestrain from staring intently at your face and nowhere else.


  1. You say awkward, I say awesome. But then again Im single, and have no shame. I try not to stare, but if you put the goods out on a shelf you can't really blame me for window shopping.

    Also a girl in only panties? Seriously? They weren't like hot pants or something? Lucky bastage.

  2. Comments like the one above are part of the reason I find myself single more often than not: most men? Pigs. This is the downfall of having almost all male friends... they forget I'm not one of them and I become privy to all their pervy thoughts.

    That said, I agree that women need to dress more appropriately. If they're going to prance around half-naked, they have no place complaining if said pig-men do, in fact, act like pigs. Way to encourage disgusting behavior, ladies! (no, this does not extend to rape by any means - they are encouraging the leering, not the touching - no ALWAYS means no)